Episode 77: What does your perfect day look like? – with Samantha Morris of Fempire Coach

Episode 77: What does your perfect day look like? - with Samantha Morris of Fempire Coach

Jeremy Cline 0:00
Okay, so you want to be happy. I mean, doesn't everyone? But what does happiness actually mean for you? What does it look like? If you had to describe your perfect day, what would it be? It's how you go about answering that question that we talk about in this interview. I'm Jeremy Cline, and this is Change Work Life.

Jeremy Cline 0:31
Hello, and welcome to the Change Work Life podcast, the show that's all about beating Sunday evening blues and enjoying Mondays again. Now, if I asked you, do you want to be happy and successful, my guess is that most of you would probably say yes. So, my next question might be that little bit harder. What does that look like? That's what we're going to talk about today with Samantha Morris. Samantha is a business owner, mother of five and a coach who specialises in helping women in business. Now, if you're not a woman, or you're not in business, don't let that put you off. There's going to be plenty in here for you as well. Samantha, welcome to the show.

Samantha Morris 1:05
Thank you, Jeremy. Thanks for having me.

Jeremy Cline 1:07
Coaching, business, parenthood. I gather you've been in property investment as well. Can you tell us a bit more about what you've got going on at the moment?

Samantha Morris 1:15
Yes, at the moment, oh, goodness me, my husband's going to kill me. At the moment, I'm trying to figure out how I can renovate the house that we're in. But on top of that, working very hard in the business that I have with my husband, in which he's doing a lot of the manual labour and the hard work and I'm just sitting at a desk, and also coaching. So, working with women who are also in business and helping them to be successful and do the work they need to do. And yes, five children. Lucky for me, they're getting a little bit older now. So, the youngest is 10, I don't have the toddlers anymore, because when they're younger, life is certainly a lot harder.

Jeremy Cline 1:54
And what is the business you're working on with your husband?

Samantha Morris 1:57
Well, the business I have with my husband is cleaning and maintaining spray booths.

Jeremy Cline 2:02
Cleaning and maintaining spray booths.

Samantha Morris 2:05
Spray booths. Yes. When you crash your car and you take it to a smash repairer, when they have to repaint it, they put it inside a booth, and they spray paint and the oven comes on and the spray booth cures the paint.

Jeremy Cline 2:18
Okay.

Samantha Morris 2:19
I don't know many people that, when I tell them that's what we do, they actually know what it is.

Jeremy Cline 2:23
It's a niche, certainly. I mean, clearly, it's something that needs doing. Was this something that your husband has been doing for ages, and then you got involved later? Or is this a venture that you started together?

Samantha Morris 2:33
We started that journey together. And that came about because both of us – he was working in the industry already and I was actually temping at the time. So, I was working, at that point, for a manufacturing company. And I was pretty bored in my job. I know it was only temp work and they had offered me a position there permanently. But I was bored. I decided I didn't want to do it anymore. He came home and I said, 'Oh, surprise, I'm not going to go back there and work.' He was so inspired, because he hated his job so much that he went back to work and said, 'I'm going to quit.' So, therefore, we were both out of work. His motivation for quitting his job in that industry was that he was observing how appallingly the work was done. And he felt that he could do it a lot better. I encouraged that and I said, 'Hey, just start your own business. What a great idea.' So, that's where it started from. And that was 16 years ago now.

Jeremy Cline 3:37
And so, your role in it has been more sort of on the back office side, if you like? So, the sort of administration, the finance, that sort of thing?

Samantha Morris 3:44
Yes, working very much behind the scenes. And do you know what? I think the most important job I do is to motivate my husband to keep going. But it's been a big learning curve, going into business, because we really went into it without a lot. I mean, I'd had a couple of businesses before, but didn't really have experience in creating a business to the scale in which we grew this one. So, I remember when we first started out, we were in a factory, we didn't have an office, we had an old gas heater that sat behind my desk to keep me warm in winter, because I was in a big concrete shell. And, you know, I was sending out faxes for marketing and cold calling people. So, very different to the way you do business nowadays. But look, it was a lot of fun, because it was very much, let's just try this and see if it works.

Jeremy Cline 4:35
What was it like being in business with your husband?

Samantha Morris 4:38
Oh, gosh. Well, when we first started, we were actually also in business with his parents. My husband's father worked at the same company. He left and it actually started out as the four of us, myself and my mother-in-law did the office work and my husband and my father-in-law went out and did the manual work, the hard work. Family dynamics really do affect the way a business runs. It can be quite difficult to separate what's going on with the hierarchy of a family versus making business decisions. And I think, maybe because I was kind of the outsider, I felt like I took on the role of playing devil's advocate a lot of the times. But we reached the point where we bought my in-laws out, and it just became our business. And that was a difficult, difficult thing to do. And that did take quite a bit of time, because once again, it was the family dynamic coming into play, where my father-in-law felt like, 'Oh, you don't want to work with me anymore. You're putting me out to pasture', you know, that kind of feeling. But my husband really just wanted to have the autonomy to make decisions for himself without getting dad's approval for everything.

Jeremy Cline 5:52
I think there's probably a whole topic here, actually, which I might explore in a later episode. In my day job as a lawyer, I deal quite a lot with family businesses. And the whole question of the, well, sort of, succession, decision-making, dynamics, dealing with the competing interests, it's absolutely fascinating. So, I'm glad you've raised the subject because it sparked my interest and made me think, yes, okay, this is something that I definitely need to look at, in the future. When did you start to get interested in coaching?

Samantha Morris 6:20
I had actually been coaching without putting a name or a title to it. Because I had been working on growing this business that I had with my husband, I also can't help myself but get involved in community, the children's sporting clubs, or the town committee, things like that. So, I was always involved in other things, as well. And that led to me being part of business chambers and things like that. So, people would just ask me if I would help them with their business, to do what we had done with our own business. And you know what? I find that's how it starts for quite a lot of coaches. But I really, really loved helping people. I loved exploring different industries and I loved exploring different personalities and how they affected different businesses, and how they worked as a leader and all of those aspects. I reached that point where I was doing so many things and my life was really quite overwhelming, because I was trying to look for that thing that I really, really wanted to do. So, I was trying all these different things, but I was doing it at the same time. I was still working in the business with my husband and I was studying for my degree and I was putting an extension on our house and I had the five kids, and all of my children went to different schools, which presented a logistical nightmare sometimes, but I had so much going on. But I was looking for that one thing that would make me happy. And I started attending free events to really actively seek something. And I went to an event and I saw the CEO of Fempire speak. And as soon as she walked on stage, there was just something about the room and about what she was there to talk about that got me instantly. And so, that was it. I was just like, I was hooked, I wanted to do what she was doing in a formal capacity.

Jeremy Cline 8:14
So, Fempire, that's the sort of the umbrella organisation of which you and your coaching forms part. Is that right?

Samantha Morris 8:21
Yes, that's right. And do you know what? I went for that overarching organisation because I had that imposter syndrome. I was too scared to go out and just do it off my own back because I thought, well, who am I? I don't have any kind of social following. I haven't written a book, I haven't done any of these things. So, I felt like I needed a brand behind me. And I needed the coaching and mentoring myself in order to be able to do the work and do it really well.

Jeremy Cline 8:51
What's your client's typical problems, or what do they think are the problems when they first come to see you?

Samantha Morris 8:57
That's a good question, Jeremy, because what they think their problems are and what we discover their problems are, are often two very different things. Business owners, they think their problem is that they're not getting enough sales, or they think their problem is that they're not marketing their business properly. But quite often, we have to dig deeper to find out what the issues are. And the issues generally start with some sort of mindset around what's going on with business, or it can be distractions that are going on in their personal life. It can be a lot of other things that dress themselves up as problems with a particular business function. It can be a very interesting journey to dig down to the bottom of what's really going on.

Jeremy Cline 9:41
We'd better go on to the topic that I asked you to come on to talk about, which is, I'm sure, very relevant to your clients. And that's this question of what success looks like. I mean, first of all, when someone says that they want to be successful, or when they're trying to think in their own head, what does success look like for them, are they really saying, what does happiness look like for me? Are they the same thing?

Samantha Morris 10:04
Do you know what? I think they are. Because when you think of success, and you're trying to describe your success, that's the place when you're sitting in that success, you're happy, or you should be happy. Otherwise, there's something very, very amiss there. But when you ask somebody, what does success look like, it's generally not about money, or it's generally not about material things. You know, you get someone to do a vision board, and they put on a fancy house and a fancy car, and all of these things. But at the end of the day, those things don't bring happiness. It's more about being secure and it's more, people want to have time with their family and people don't want to have to worry about the things that they're worrying about. They want to be happy. I think they're very tightly entwined, success and happiness.

Jeremy Cline 10:57
So, how do you coach your clients to answer the question and answer it honestly in terms of happiness? Because I'm guessing that you will have people who, when you say, 'So, what does success look like?', some of them will probably start with a three times increase in sales or double profitability, or the car, the house, whatever it might be. So, how do you get people to think about other stuff and frame it in terms of happiness?

Samantha Morris 11:23
I do a couple of exercises with people that get them to think beyond just turnover and things like that. Because you triple your turnover in your business, that's a really great goal to have. But what you gotta understand is, if you're going to triple your turnover, you're increasing workload and there are a whole other group of things that come along with that. So, one of the things that I do is I sit down and I say, 'Okay, it's a perfect day today. What does it look like from the time you wake up to the time you go to bed? Who do you want to be spending time with? What activities are you doing? Money's no object. It's all about what you really want to be doing with your time.' And once you can get people just start thinking in terms of, 'I want to be surrounded by people I love.' And, you know, what do we want to be doing together? We want to be enjoying lunches together, or I want to be at the beach with my family. When you start thinking of those things that can create really positive memories, rather than thinking about the bottom line or winning an award or something like that, when you start thinking about things that are very, very meaningful to people, that's when you start to arrive at the point of, okay, so that's what happiness looks like for you. So, in order for you to achieve that, we've got to build you a successful business. How do we do that? We make sure that you've got the time you need to create those memories.

Jeremy Cline 12:46
Do you find some people struggle with that perfect day question, painting that picture?

Samantha Morris 12:51
They do. We get so caught up in routine, and we get so caught up in doing what we think we're supposed to do, and thinking how we're supposed to think, that we don't let ourselves just sort of drop the guard and say what we really, really think and what we really, really feel.

Jeremy Cline 13:09
I mean, is there sometimes a question of, 'Well, I don't really know'?

Samantha Morris 13:13
Yeah, sometimes people have to go away and really think about it. It's one of my favourite parts of what I do, is helping people get that 'aha' moment, or just when that switch turns on, and they realise what it is that they really want out of their life. It's amazing that some people are in business and what they really want to do is to be able to support extended family, or they want to have a great impact on the environment, you know, all of those big picture things. I think having passion for those things, and identifying yourself as being successful when you create a change in the world or in your community or something bigger and outside yourself, I think that's where people start finding that happiness that they're looking for.

Jeremy Cline 14:03
Does it always have to be this bigger picture thing? And I'm just thinking, to play devil's advocate, some people, just in their mind, don't feel like they want to build the school in Africa or stop global pollution or that sort of thing. You know, they might feel pressured to doing so, because they've been told that that's what should be their ambitions, but in their heart of hearts, if they really go into it, that sort of stuff just isn't there.

Samantha Morris 14:27
Yeah, look, it isn't there for everybody. I think, if you can sit really quietly and just listen to what's inside you, then you're going to get... I sound very woo woo, don't I? And that's not normally me. But I feel like it's true. You've got to really sit and listen to yourself to find out what happiness and success look like. And you're right. It isn't a big thing for everybody. But my experience with the people that I've worked with and the people that I know is that people generally have a sense that they want to do something more than just for themselves.

Jeremy Cline 15:04
When people are starting this perfect day exercise, how do you coach people into recognising when they're limiting themselves? So, when they maybe pull back on something, because they just think it's not possible?

Samantha Morris 15:18
That's a fun one, to really push people beyond their thinking. And most people do need that encouragement. Most people don't straight off the bat know exactly what that day looks like, because they don't allow themselves to think about it. It is a process of asking questions about why they've put down certain thing, and through that process of questioning what they've written down, that's when we start to get the answers about what they really should have written down instead. And it's also a really revealing picture when they actually draw out their day. It's a revealing picture to the people that do it, to think, sometimes they say to themselves, 'Oh, really? Is that all I expect out of my life?'

Jeremy Cline 16:00
But then the answers to that ought to be, 'Well, yeah, if it is for you, then yeah, sure, why not?'

Samantha Morris 16:05
Yeah, definitely. If you look at that perfect day, and you're like, 'Yes, that's what I want', and as simple as it might be, it doesn't have to be extravagant, it can be purely simple. But as long as that day resonates with you when you've written it down, then that's what I try and help people work towards.

Jeremy Cline 16:21
I'm gonna ask a very practical question, possibly because it's something that is on my mind to do with dropping my daughter off at school this morning. But when you're painting this picture, how sort of constrained or otherwise are you by the practical stuff that you have to do? So, for example, if you've got a young child who you've got to take to school every morning, and maybe taking your child to school isn't part of your perfect day, but it's something that you are going to have to do for maybe the next two, three, four years. So, do you just sort of put that in as an inevitability? Or do you take out even that sort of stuff, which is kind of the obligatory part of having a family or whatever it might be?

Samantha Morris 17:03
Oh, gosh, that is such a good question. If you think about how much you want to be a part of your children's life, because for some people, they want a family, but they don't want to do the day-to-day things that are involved in raising a family. For example, taking your child to school, if that's not part of your perfect day, then I would say, 'Well, is that job something that can be done by your partner or the other parent?' And I'd be worried if it was part of neither parent's perfect day. Somebody needs to take care of the children.

Jeremy Cline 17:42
Yeah, I guess it's where obligation intersects with the perfect day. And I'm sure many couples, and I'm just taking parent as an example, I'm sure there are lots of examples, but there is an expectation of sharing, say, that some days it will be one parent, some day it will be the other. And then there's after-school clubs, weekend things, swimming lessons, all that sort of thing, where it's something which you know is going to be good for your child and it's in the interest of fairness that you do your bit, but if someone said to you, well, given the choice, do you want to take your child to a Hockey Club or would you rather do something else, and you go inside and go, 'Yeah, probably, I'd rather do something else.' Yeah, it's that kind of intersection where I'm just curious how far you can push this perfect day.

Samantha Morris 18:29
Because I do this exercise, what I'm doing with women, and not all of them are parents, but most of them are mums, I think their perspective on doing those things is kind of accepted by most of us, that yes, that is part of our day and we love to do that. I would try and mitigate the obligatory side of doing those kinds of things with your children versus your perfect day with effective, let's focus on the benefits that you get from doing that. Because when you look at your perfect day, I would imagine that if you do have children, your children would be part of that day some way. What you've got to do is have a look at, well, how do the children fit into your perfect day and what is it that you're trying to get, what meaning are you trying to get and what sort of time are you trying to get with your children in that perfect day. Because those moments can be had when you're driving to school or they can be had when you're taking them to a sporting event, things like that. I said earlier, my children all went to different schools. And I was like crazy driving around, dropping them off everywhere and doing all those things. And do you know, there was time there where I hated it. I was so exhausted. And I was like, this is madness. You know, I've got to get this one to the bus and that one to the train and this one here and that one there. But with hindsight, I've got to consider that those times in the car where we talked about what was coming up that day and, you know, the things that the children shared with me and, you know, picking them up in the afternoon and saying, 'How was your day? What happened today?', those moments are really precious. So, as much as I resented it, when the kids get in the car, it's like, okay, I've got to focus on the positive. And there are benefits to doing those things.

Jeremy Cline 20:20
Yeah, no, it's interesting. And you know, we're talking about parenthood, but I guess it could be visiting an elderly relative or something like that. And anything like that which is, you kind of get this mixture in your head, I suppose, of obligation and duty, but also, there's the opportunity that looking back on it, there will be the memories that you cherish.

Samantha Morris 20:41
Yeah, exactly. Obligation is a difficult one, but it's about, for me, I would like to see people just try and change their mindset around it. Because I like to think that there is an upside to everything. You've just got to look hard to find it sometimes. But...

Jeremy Cline 20:55
We've got a bit sidetracked. But when we're looking at this picture of the perfect day, and we're recognising this huge gap between what our day looks like now and what a perfect day looks like, where do you start, when you see this gaping chasm? I mean, what's the first thing you can do to start to bridge that gap?

Samantha Morris 21:15
So, the first thing that I do is try and identify, well, you've got point A and point B, so you've got to try to identify different pathways in which you can get from point A to point B. So, for example, if your perfect day looks like spending time with family and your position where you're overworked six days a week, then it's a matter of having a look at how you can change your working week so that you get more time with your family. So, it's about, how can we make changes so that you can achieve your perfect day?

Jeremy Cline 21:50
How ambitious do you encourage your clients to be when it comes to living their perfect day in terms of what they do and when they do it? If someone describes their perfect day as, I get up at whatever o'clock, I get the kids up, take them to school, and then my perfect day would be, I don't know, going to the gym for an hour, and then coming home, doing an hour's work, having lunch, going out for a walk, doing another couple of hours, picking up the kids from school, spending time with them, dinner, bed, TV. So, that might be a description of the perfect day, which features within it maybe three hours of what might be considered work, or maybe work doesn't even feature at all. And I can, at the moment, only think of one big reason why you can't implement that perfect day immediately. And that's that, in the society we live at the moment, people expect you to spend money on things and so, you've got to earn money in order to spend that money. How far can you go into sort of implementing this, whilst... I think we're kind of back to the obligations question.

Samantha Morris 22:48
Yes. Look, the idea of a perfect day, one of the things that is really interesting about this exercise is that, in six months' time, your idea of a perfect day might be very different to what you mapped out six months ago. So, it's kind of like an organic journey that you take to work out what it is that's going to make you happiest in your day.

Jeremy Cline 23:12
Can you just talk a bit more about what might change in six months? Is this mindset, as you think about it more, or is it personal circumstances that might change?

Samantha Morris 23:21
Well, I think both. Let's take mindset as the first one. When you start to change your mindset, the things that you think will make you happy, sometimes when you get them, they come to you in a different form. So, for example, you wanting more time with your family, you might perceive that you're spending time with your family at home or on holidays or something like that. But in six months' time, you might realise you actually got what you wanted, as in you got the time with your family, but not in the way you expected. I think getting your mindset right around what you want and being open to it, not necessarily coming to you in the form that you imagine, that can help to open you up to possibilities. But obligations, look, if your perfect day means that you're only working one hour a day, that's a big challenge, but it's not impossible. And particularly if you're a business owner, it is possible to create businesses where you set up structures and processes and you get to the point where you step out of the business, and you just sit there and take the profits and other people are working. So, it's not an impossibility. It just takes a lot of work. But, once you get to that point, is that what you really want?

Jeremy Cline 24:36
This kind of leads in quite nicely to the point you were making about how the picture of the perfect day can change. So, let's say that you think that you want just to be able to do an hour's work, and then you start down that road. And my guess is that you would have to work really, really hard, or two, three, four years in order to get to that stage where you can do it. And you might end up being miserable during that period, and then get there and realise that the payoff is not what you were expecting it to. Can you guard yourself against going down a particular route and then realising that actually, that's not quite right and you need to course correct?

Samantha Morris 25:22
Well, I wouldn't suggest that anybody charge straight at that picture of a perfect day for years if it's making you miserable. And that's why I like to think of it as something that you would revisit regularly, to check in whether you're working towards things that you really do want. Because you're quite right, it could be three years, four years, five years, it could take 10 years to get your business to the point where you can step out of it. But if you have to go through 10 years of misery, it's kind of going to take the shine off that end goal, and you're going to lose motivation if you're hating your life doing it. So, that's where you're probably going to question, is that what I really want? Is all this worth it? Or do I want something else instead? Can I be happy in a different way?

Jeremy Cline 26:05
I guess that loops back around to my question about when you start implementing all of this. I mean, do you kind of put a bit of a sheen on it to say, describe your perfect day, but this is what your perfect day is going to look like next week, next month, rather than this is the perfect day after I've worked 10 years to get there?

Samantha Morris 26:25
Yeah, I wouldn't like to think of the perfect day as being 10 years away, because that's, goodness me, that's a long time to be working towards something. So, yeah, it is more of a short-term aspiration, I suppose. I haven't actually put a timeframe on that before. So, that's really interesting.

Jeremy Cline 26:42
Well, yeah, that's an interesting point. So, if someone says, 'Here is my perfect day, help me get from A to B', then yeah, there is that question as to how quickly you want to, or you realistically can get from A to B.

Samantha Morris 26:54
Yes. I mean, I know personally, the perfect day that I wrote down for myself two years ago now, I still haven't achieved that perfect day. But at the same time, if I would redo that exercise today, my perfect day would seem quite different. Because I'm loving what I'm doing so much, and I wasn't living this life two years ago.

Jeremy Cline 27:16
Do you encourage people to kind of aspire towards the perfect day, but in the knowledge that they might not quite get there, but it's one of these things where, if you aim for three, then you'll get three without much trouble, whereas if you aim for 100, you might hit 76, but it's going to be a heck of a lot higher than three?

Samantha Morris 27:35
I think, with working with people towards their perfect day, I think it's more about, I like to extract the ideas around what the perfect day looks like, than being literal about it. And I think that describing the perfect day is, you can sit down, breakfast, I'm eating this and I'm in this location, but it's the overall theme of, okay, you want to have a life where you've got time to have that kind of breakfast, or what people are you surrounded by. Well, that gives you more of an idea of who you want to be with rather than literally being with those specific people.

Jeremy Cline 28:14
Fantastic. That's really, really interesting stuff. Quite a big topic, a very big topic, which we can't really do justice to in a short podcast interview. But hopefully this has given people a starting point and something to think about. If people want to start exploring this topic a little bit further, do you have any sort of recommended books or talks or resources or something that people should take a look at?

Samantha Morris 28:38
Yes, I am a very, very big fan of TED Talks. I think they're absolutely fascinating and it gives you access to a lot of very fascinating people. But there is one talk that is my favourite, and that is Shonda Rhimes, whose topic was 'My Year of Saying Yes to Everything'. And she has written a book about that as well.

Jeremy Cline 29:01
So, 'My Year of Saying Yes to Everything'.

Samantha Morris 29:04
Yes.

Jeremy Cline 29:05
Cool. I will look that up and certainly link to it. And if people want to find you and get in touch with you and work with you, how's the best way that they can do that?

Samantha Morris 29:14
Yes, so I can be contacted by my website, which is samanthamorris.fempirecoach.com.au.

Jeremy Cline 29:22
Brilliant. I will put a link to that in the show notes for this episode, as well. Well, Samantha, thank you very much. Fascinating topic, and definitely one to revisit in the future. But in the meantime, thank you so much for coming on the podcast.

Samantha Morris 29:33
Thank you very much for having me, Jeremy.

Jeremy Cline 29:36
Okay, hope you enjoyed that interview with Samantha Morris. This was a topic I really felt it was worth diving into quite deeply. And I'm really grateful to Samantha for coming on and answering my questions in the way that she did. The simple act of writing down what your perfect day looks like is an extremely powerful thought experiment. And I was really keen to see how far you could push that and how far you could take it in the context of real life when you've got lots of other things that you've got to do. And I think a lot of this does come down to mindset. So, even if you do have obligations, as I refer to them in the interview, having the mindset that good things can come out of them is a great way to organise your thoughts. I'd really encourage everyone to have a go at this perfect day exercise. And if you'd like a bit of a framework, you'll find on my website the tab at the top, Find Career Happiness!, will take you to a link where you can fill in a short form and get a couple of exercises, one of which is really intended to do this. I mean, it breaks it down, you go through four different important aspects of your life and write down what perfect looks like in the context of all of those. So, if that sounds like it might be a useful place for you to start, then do have a look. As I said, it's at the tab marked Find Career Happiness. There's also some pop-ups on my website, so you can't really miss it. Do check out those exercises.

Jeremy Cline 30:57
As always, you will find show notes for this episode with a transcript, a summary of everything we talked about, and links to all the resources we've mentioned, as well as where you can get hold of Samantha, they're at changeworklife.com/77. I can't believe we're into March already, and I can't believe that it's 12 months since, for most of us, the COVID-19 pandemic really hit, and the effect of it hit us. It's been a heck of a 12 months and lots of things have changed. But guess what, one thing that's not changing? I've got some great interviews coming up for you. So, subscribe to the show, tune in, leave a review on Apple Podcasts if you get a chance. It'd be great to get the show out to more people. Come back next week, and we've got another great interview then. Can't wait to see you then. Cheers. Bye