Episode 5: I can’t do it! Fears and objections and how to overcome them – with Ali Temple of Steadfast Coaching

Life and career coach Ali Temple explains why so many of us experience fear, anxiety and objections when considering a career change and how we go about overcoming those fears.

Today’s guest

Ali Temple of Steadfast Coaching

Website: Steadfast Coaching

Facebook: Steadfast Coaching

Instagram: Steadfast Coaching

Contact: info@steadfast-coaching.com

For 15 years Ali worked all over the world as a professional acrobat at some of the biggest and most prestigious events.  From live television, the London 2012 Olympics and the Monaco Formula 1 Grand Prix to clients such as Nike, Virgin and Sony, Ali established himself as one of the most highly skilled and successful performers in the UK.

After a hugely fulfilling career Ali had a huge desire to contribute to others and chose to train as a coach.

He now coaches people in various countries around the world online as well as in person in all areas of mindset, personal development, business and property investing.

What you’ll learn in this episode

  • Why lack of clarity is the number one thing which holds people back.
  • The difference between legitimate reasons for not taking action and excuses and how we can always be taking some action now.
  • How tolerance for change influences decision-making.
  • The two reasons why we make decisions.
  • Why problems are a good thing.
  • Why when we change the people around  us become insecure.
  • It’s none of your business what other people think are the chances of success of your goals.
  • How tiny tweaks can have a big impact on happiness.

Resources mentioned in this episode

Please note that some of these are affiliate links and we may get a small commission in the event that you make a purchase.  This helps us to cover our expenses and is at no additional cost to you.

To see the resources recommended by all our guests, visit the Resources page.

Episode 5: I can’t do it! Fears and objections and how to overcome them - with Ali Temple of Steadfast Coaching

Ali Temple
So we make decisions out of two reasons - to either seek pleasure or avoid pain. And so even if somebody doesn't like change, if the pain has become painful enough, then they must change because they'll been driven by a sense of seeking pleasure. So if you know that...

Jeremy Cline
This is Ali Temple, a life and career coach at Steadfast Coaching. You're going to want to hear what he's got to say because he's talking about the number one thing that stops us from taking action, and making changes that we could all take to make our lives happier. Want to know what that is? Well stick around. I'm Jeremy Cline. And this is Change Work Life.

Hello, and welcome to the Change Work Life podcast where we're all about helping you banish those Sunday evening blues. I'm really pleased to have Ali Temple as my guest on the show today. Ali is a life coach. He's a career coach at Steadfast Coaching. And he has actually coached me a bit. There was a time not so long ago where I felt the need for a bit of help, bit of guidance with my life and with my career, and I worked a bit with Ali and I've got to say he was absolutely fantastic. You'll hear he's had quite a colourful background. I don't know how many career coaches can say that they started out in breakdancing and then went on to join the circus. So we'll hear a bit about that. And then what I really wanted to discuss with Ali was objections, these personal objections that we have - what they are, how they stop us from achieving what we want, and what we can do to overcome them. So let's go straight in. Hi, Ali, welcome to the show.

Ali Temple
Hey Jeremy, thanks for having me.

Jeremy Cline
It's a pleasure. So before we dive into the main topic, could you first of all, tell us a little bit about what it is that you do for a living now?

Ali Temple
Yes, I suppose people would understand it as is a life and business coach. I focus on performance coaching. So what I really do is help people get very, very clear about what it is they want. And then give them the tools and the support to get them there. So whatever it is people want to achieve, I essentially get them there faster - that's what I do now.

Jeremy Cline
Fantastic. And can you talk a little bit about how you got there, because I gather - looking at your website - you kind of started in marketing and then went to join the circus. So how did you end up in marketing? And then how did you go from that to doing acrobatics and that sort of thing?

Ali Temple
Yeah, this is - even when I think about this - this is a funny story and I'll try and give you guys as condensed a version as possible. And so really how I got into coaching - I have to actually go back to when I was a teenager because it's so relevant - when I was a teenager, I had lost my dad quite suddenly in a road accident and as you would imagine, losing your dad when you're fourteen isn't a good time. There's rarely a good time but fourteen just seems to be a particularly bad time. And so every cliche you would then expect around declining mental health I then experienced, and going into my early twenties I just knew that I didn't have the tools at all to deal with life. And so I went off and got quite a lot of therapy, and all that sort of stuff. So that's the backstory that I'll come back to in a second. During that time, I got quite heavily into breakdancing and acrobatics and just was very physical - I enjoyed jumping about. And so I randomly ended up performing a little bit as a breakdancer and an acrobat. And due to an injury, I got a job in a marketing agency I was kind of attracted to because it seemed like a fairly creative, dynamic environment to work in. And so I ended up in Scotland's leading marketing agency in Edinburgh city centre where I worked for about a year and actually really enjoyed it. It was a really great place to work with really interesting people. As my body healed, and I got back in really good shape, I got offered a job with a circus company that toured all over. And when I say circus, we're talking more Cirque du Soleil than lions and animals sort of circus - more of a modern contemporary circus. And so, you know, I sat down my bosses and I said, hey, look, I've been offered this job with a really great circus company, what do you think? And they said you absolutely must go and take that. You know I think I was about 24 at the time. They said, you know, there's always going to be a job here for you if you want it, but you're not always going to have the opportunity to go off and join the circus. And so yeah, I moved down south to London, I ended up in a contemporary circus company full of amazing international circus artists and ex-British squad gymnasts and that sort of stuff and really learned and refined my circus skills, as well as other general dance and acrobatics and all that stuff.

Jeremy Cline
So pausing there, you said, you know, you kind of did a little bit of breakdancing and acrobatics, and then suddenly you get this offer from you know, this sort of major sort of Cirque du Soleil style thing. So I kind of get the impression that there was a bit more to 'Oh yeah I just did a little bit of breakdancing and acrobatics.' I mean, how did you kind of get into that where you could do it to the level of a professional because it sounds to me like one of these careers - it's a bit like, you know, footballer or professional dancer or professional musician - it's kind of one of these things you kind of think, how on earth do you get into that sort of thing?

Ali Temple
Yeah, I was what would be described as a very hyperactive child. And so I had been kinda into martial arts and stuff. And when I was 18 and moved to Edinburgh I got into martial arts - and really got into it. And one of the guys I met there, he could break dance a little bit. And we were obsessive in our training. So we would train all day, every day. We were supposed to be at uni, but we weren't, we were in the park training, and literally just dedicated so much time obsessively to training, breakdancing skills, acrobatic skills. And you know, just ended up really fortunate that I had a training buddy that we pushed each other so hard, that we got very, very, very good, even though we were self-taught. And so as I said, I'd done a little bit of of gigs and stuff. And this was really before YouTube was out. So wasn't even really a case of watching stuff on YouTube and learning it - YouTube wasn't really around them. And it was just obsessive determination. We just managed to find something that we loved so much that we would do it all day everyday regardless of whether we had anyone to teach us or had a place to train. If we didn't have a place to train we'd go to the park - you know, we would literally somersault off walls and off trees and we just got to a stage that we got so good at that we got paid to do it. It was quite strange.

Jeremy Cline
So what was pushing you to do it? Was it just literally just the sheer love of doing it and wanting to get better at it, that was it?

Ali Temple
Yeah, literally, literally the sheer love of it. And there's a really big lesson in here. And whether we get into this in more detail later on, or you know, I use this in coaching all the time, is that if you want to be successful at anything, you either have to find something that you love so much that you will do it regardless of whether people are paying you to, or just put that amount of effort into it that you get so good. And it was - yeah it was just lucky - that as I said, I'd always been hyperactive, I'd always been into sports and activities, and I just found something that I could channel my energy into. You know, the breakdancing was expressive. You know, there was a competition side of it. I enjoyed the adrenaline rush of doing new acrobatics and the danger, the physicality of it, I loved the ownership over the movement and the challenge of all - I just loved it yeah.

Jeremy Cline
And so you're doing that professionally, you move down to London, do it professionally. So then how'd you get from that to get into coaching, what you do now?

Ali Temple
So it got to the stage that I was a performer based in London but worked all over the world - lived in various places all over the world - and it was amazing. I also got to the stage that I had done that for 15 years, and the work was just flowing in - gigs everywhere - I didn't really need to train as much as I used to, didn't need to market myself as much as I used to - and I'd become quite aware that actually most of my work is evenings and weekends, and although I'll do a bit of training during the day, I actually have quite a lot of free time on my hands now. And I'm quite growth driven. I enjoy learning stuff. And so I kind of said to myself maybe now's the time that I use this free time that I have more effectively, and just kind of started saying to myself 'Okay, what am I interested in?' And one thing I always knew is that working in the entertainment industry - and going back to my backstory of you know, losing my dad and actually have quite an ongoing battle with anxiety and depression and stuff like that - the entertainment industry isn't the best place to be if you've already got a tendency to have bad mental health at times, because it will exacerbate every part of that, and magnify it. And so I had kind of gotten to a stage that I felt that I was starting to get a handle on my mental health. And I've learned a lot of really powerful, important stuff. And I had started doing a little bit of coaching and thought this is actually really effective. And I was working with a coach, and I was really getting me really, really good results. And I said the performing thing's great, but it's also very self-focused, and I'm aware of that. It is quite egoic, selfish - that sort of thing. And I knew that I would like to do something that is about more than me. And I also felt that I had a lot to give because of my life experience - because of what I'd gone through losing my dad. And so I basically found a coaching course, enrolled on the course and sort of thought I'lI do the course, I'll probably learn something interesting from it, if I really like it, I'll go on and start a business and coach other people. And the day that I got all the coaching information through, my training pack and all that, and I opened it and started reading through it - in about five minutes I knew this is what I'm supposed to be doing now. It just spoke to me so loudly.

Jeremy Cline
Okay, so you said that you basically help people get from A to B, and you help people get from A to B faster. So what stops people getting from A to B? What sort of things do you see that is stopping people getting from A to B and that you can help them with?

Ali Temple
Probably the number one thing is lack of clarity. And what I mean by that is that we sometimes have an idea, but we don't have an understanding of the reason we want to do that idea or clarity over the way forward. And so it's not necessarily a case of whether people's idea is achievable or not, whether the business or the plan for the life is a good one or not. It's about how clear are you about the reasons why you want to do it or how clear are you about which direction you need to head in, and therefore people get quite conflicted. So the first thing I always do is help people get very, very clear about exactly what they want to do. And the reason that they want to do that.

Jeremy Cline
Okay, so you're clear on or someone's clear on the reasons, but what about timing? You've got someone who, you know, maybe they're in their late 30s, early 40s - married, mortgage, kids, responsibilities, that sort of thing. I mean it's just not a good time to be making all sorts of changes, and that standard kind of thing. So how do you help people deal with with that sort of issue? And is it just a case of you know, come back later? Or is it something that you can manage when you've got all these other things going on in your life and all these responsibilities?

Ali Temple
Yeah that's a really good question. And that's about understanding the difference between what are legitimate reasons that now might not be the best time, and what is essentially excuses to not do it now. And that may be out of uncertainty, or lack of clarity, or fear. And so I have this thing that the best time to take action is always now, because there's always a reason not to - we can always find a reason why now isn't the best time. But even if it's like 'Okay, well now's not the best time because the kids are going through this period' and 'Actually I get a payrise then and that kid moves out, so they're going to be independent,' okay fine - that might be a more suitable time. But you can always say what action can you take now to start making this process happen. That can be as simple as writing a plan. It can be something like, Okay, let me just put money aside. Or if I'm wanting to do that thing in a year, or 18 months - when the timing's better - what information do I need to start learning now? What do I need to go away and learn? What skill do I need to develop? What contacts do I need to do? You could have a website put in place, or you can have a course that you've done. There's always something that you can do now, that will mean when the time is right, and I'm using inverted commas for those that don't have the visual, when the time is, 'right', we have given ourselves the best chance, the best start, when that time comes.

Jeremy Cline
And do you ever come across people who think that they're just too far down the road, that it's actually too late to make a change? So someone, again, who might be in their late 30s, 40s or even 50s - and they may be in a profession, they've been doing it for 15, 20 years - and they're just kind of thinking, you know, I'm so far down this road does it really make sense to effectively start again?

Ali Temple
Yeah, you do get that. I mean, that comes down to people's personal philosophy, you know, some people do something and get into their late 30s, early 40s and think, oh, you know, this is what I've always done so this is what I'm always going to do and it's too late to change. And similarly you get people that get into their 50s and say, you know what, I'm bored of this, I'm going to start my own business, I'm finally going to do something for me. And so really that's down to your personal philosophy - what that's also down to is tolerance for change. And some people have quite a low tolerance for change because they value a sense of certainty. Some people need to be growing, need a sense of variety. And so if you're the type of person that knows that you really dislike change, then that is going to influence your decision making. If you have a real kind of high growth mindset, even if you are in your 50s or in your 60s, you'll say, 'No, I'm still going to do that'. It's just, yeah, it's just your personal philosophy and how you view your life. A lot of us nail ourselves into our own boxes, without realising that we're doing it to ourselves. The flip side of that is you can do anything you want, at anytime in life, it's that sort of world now.

Jeremy Cline
Okay, you talked about tolerance for change. How do people manage, I suppose a potential conflict there between maybe having a low tolerance for change, but being really unhappy with what they're doing at the moment?

Ali Temple
Yeah, good question. That's about deciding. So we make decisions out of two reasons - to either seek pleasure or avoid pain. And even if somebody doesn't like change, if the pain has become painful enough, then they must change because they'll be driven by a sense of seeking pleasure. So if you know that you need to make some changes, but you don't actually like change, it's important to then identify or associate massive pleasure with the thing that you really want to do, and identify and understand that the thing that you are doing is not bringing you pleasure, it's actually causing you pain - whether that be spiritual, emotional, financial, or otherwise. If you know that you find change a little bit difficult, or the uncertainty of it stresses you out, that's the perfect time to get some help. So whether that's a mentor, whether that's someone that's done it before, whether that's your partner to help or work with a coach, you know, there's coaches that specialise in different areas - you know find somebody that can make that process of change much more easier, quicker, more effective, and more affordable as well.

Jeremy Cline
So we talked about some of the objections that people might have. So you know, it's the wrong time, and there's all sorts of others I'm sure people have come up with, you know, 'I didn't have the right upbringing', 'I don't have the right qualifications'. 'I don't have this', 'I couldn't do that', and so on and so forth. Are there general techniques that one can employ to overcome these sorts of personal objections? Or does it really come down to what the objection is as to how you deal with it?

Ali Temple
Self awareness. Self awareness to know the difference between a valid objection - a valid challenge - and an excuse. I speak to a lot of people, a lot of people in my job, you know, whether it's the workshops or doing seminars, you know, the amount of consultations I do with clients. And knowing the difference between what a valid cause for concern is and what an excuse is really makes a difference. It's very easy to make excuses. And we have a little bit of an excuse kind of culture, because we kind of have that 'land of litigation' thing. And we, you know, it's all about 'where there's blame there's a claim' sort of thing, so there is a little bit of deference of responsibility there. Which means it's easy to make an excuse to say, okay, that's not going to work because of this, or I'm not going to do that because of this. So if you can develop a personal philosophy of complete ownership over yourself and your decisions, then that is going to empower you to overcome those challenges and implement both self awareness and responsibility to say, Okay, these are areas that I need to pay some attention to, there are hurdles that I might need to go over or under. But I'm not going to let that hold me back from ultimately achieving this goal that I know is going to make me happy.

Jeremy Cline
How do you discern the dividing line between what's an excuse and what's a sort of a legitimate hurdle or legitimate, something that needs to be overcome?

Ali Temple
Yeah, that's your personal philosophy. So here's an example - my personal philosophy that whenever I'm trying to grow or build a business or achieve something and I hit a problem, I go 'Great, amazing, a new problem.' New problem means I'm going somewhere. If this is a new problem, it means I must have gone up a level. So I have an attitude that new problems are a good thing. If someone has an attitude of 'Oh another problem - right I've experienced all these problems, that means that this isn't the right way forward, that means I should stop'. So their personal philosophy - problems are a problem - and they hold it back and it's a reason not to do stuff. I see problems as an indication that I'm growing or going somewhere. 'Oh a new problem - good'. An example of that is, you know, I've got a property portfolio, and I was growing it recently, and I was speaking to the solicitor and he starts saying, 'You know, the key is to just keep it manageable. And, you know, don't want too much just enough to get a little bit of income on the side, but not so much that it becomes hard to manage'. And I literally burst out laughing. And he sort of looked at me, and I says 'I'm really, really sorry'. And he says 'what?' and I said, 'I cannot wait until my property portfolio is unmanageable. I can't wait for that. I hope my property portfolio is so big and doing so well that I need to employ staff to manage it. I can't wait for that'. And so our personal philosophies were just that little bit different. So he might stop at, say, five or six properties. I'm not stopping until I do maybe 50, maybe 50 plus, and that simple change of philosophy completely determines how we view problems and challenges.

Jeremy Cline
Okay, and so should people be trying to change their own philosophy? Or do you start with identifying what that philosophy is and work within that?

Ali Temple
A bit of both. And I think what's also always valuable is growth mindset - that understanding that in order to move forward, we need to grow in some way. And then it's about knowing what your tolerance is, like, I'm a real goal-driven, success-driven type of person. That's what makes me happy. Some people want to achieve goals, but on the process of achieving those goals, they make themselves unhappy. And then it's the question of, would you be better just dialling it back 10 or 20% in your personal professional goals and being happier? And so the important thing is there is that understanding, we can all set our tolerances, we all need to say, Okay, what is the level of change of uncertainty of stress of challenges, what is the level of those things that I'm willing to accept, because how much of what your threshold is will determine how far you will go. Now, if you've only got a small threshold, and that's how far you believe you can push it, that's okay. But understand that so far, you'll go. If you want to go further, you'll need to increase that threshold. We increase that threshold by just consistently bumping our head against it. Now to some people that may be painful or turbulent. But that is the nature of growth, it's dynamic - it is turbulent. Growth and change isn't always a smooth ride. And so it's about having that growth mindset - developing your personal philosophy, and having the self awareness to say, this is actually me at my maximum. And when I touch my maximum, I get really stressed out. So I either need to develop more skills that allow me to be less stressed or more skills that allow me to push forward further. But for the time being, this is my threshold. And this is me at my max. And if I want to go further, I need to keep pushing and evolving a little bit.

Jeremy Cline
Okay, so it sounds like what you're saying is that people can always potentially go that little bit further - its just funding the mechanism to help you do that. Is that...

Ali Temple
Yeah, yeah.

Jeremy Cline
Okay. So we've talked a lot about your kind of internal side of things, you know, your personal philosophy, identifying what in your own head is excuse versus legitimate reason, something to be overcome that sort of thing. I'm cautious of sort of delving into areas of which definitely outside where I want to go to like you know, sort of relationship coaching and that sort of thing. But presumably, there is a fear, which is not necessarily real, but it might be, of upsetting other stakeholders. That could be spouses, other relatives, friends. I mean, when you sort of got into acrobatics and stuff, did you have people saying 'I mean, come on Ali this is just a bit of fun, but you're not going to make a career out of this are you?'

Ali Temple
Yeah, this is a really, really important issue and one I could talk all day on - is that, yes, when I say to people, 'I'm a professional breakdancer,' 'I'm a professional acrobat', they would literally laugh at me, and then they would criticise me. I was fortunate - I grew up in a really nice neighbourhood, you know, everyone was quite well-to-do, there was doctors and all that sort of stuff. And all the other kids went off and done things like quantitative surveying and pharmaceutical studies and you know, I was bouncing about literally doing acrobatics and I would turn up at you know, little reunions here and there, and they'd be like 'what are you doing for work', and I'm like, 'I'm an acrobat, I'm a break dancer'. And they'd be like 'But that's not a real job'. And this would be quite painful for me, because I physically knew the amount of energy and effort and literally blood and sweat that I put into doing that - it's a really hard, physical job. And I was paid well for it. And so what about that was not a real job? And this is, what you need to understand is if you're going to step out of the norm, if you're going to change or grow, the people round about you will be unsettled by that. Rightly or wrongly when we change the people round about us become insecure, because they're threatened, that the relationship with you is going to change. And if the relationship changes, they're worried that they're going to have to change. And that really worries them. They're also - if you're going to grow, improve, scale up, move on in some way - they're worried that they're going to lose you, and that you being really proactive and growth driven, can sometimes highlight the fact that they are not, and it triggers their insecurities about themselves. So here's what it comes down to plain and simply on its most fundamental level - it is none of your business, what other people think of the chances of your goals. It's as simple as that. And it's really hard when we do want the validation and acceptance of those around us. But if that's what you're doing this for, it will be a very painful experience when you don't get it.

Jeremy Cline
So just say that, again - it's none of your business what other people think of the chances of success of your goals?

Ali Temple
100%. Yeah. Because if you're doing this for you, because you know that it's part of your higher purpose - if it's gonna fulfil you, if it excites you, if it takes you to the next level, if it provides you and your family with financial freedom and a better standard of life - if all of those things are right for you I don't care if it's your own mother, father, sister, brother, best friend from way back at school - it doesn't matter what they think, because they're judging you based on what's right for them, on their belief system, on their values. That has no relevance over what's right for you and your family. And so if you want to do this thing, if it's fulfilling and exciting for you, it's none of your business what anyone else thinks of that. And I know that's a hard philosophy to get your head around. Because we're pack animals, we're designed to care what people think. But it's simply not. And it will hold you back, if you care about it.

Jeremy Cline
I've now got a fictitious spouse in my head kind of going, hang on a minute, are you saying that what my wife/husband does, what they're doing is best for them and it doesn't have an impact on me, and it doesn't have an impact on our life together and our children and that sort of thing?

Ali Temple
It clearly does have an impact. And you know, I can't comment on every relationship because there's relationships where partners say, 'Okay, if this is meaningful to you, I'm 100% behind you, even if that means you going away for a week or two here and there to learn something or go on a course or go to a conference and achieve your goal, if it's meaningful to you, and if it makes you happy, I'm behind you.' And then there's other partners that are like, 'What do you need that for, you're not doing that, well you can choose between that or me - me and the kids deserve better' sort of thing. That's about everyone's individual relationship, and I can't comment on that.

Jeremy Cline
So bringing it all together, someone is looking to make a change. No, step back from that - someone is unhappy with where they are at the moment in terms of you know career, what they do for a job. But they just feel constrained by their personal circumstances. So the mortgage, the family, the kids, the very pleasant life, the ability to go on two holidays a year, or whatever it might be. What's the first thing - what initial steps can someone who's in that position take to start to break down and actually move forward, take positive steps to getting towards somewhere where maybe they're a bit less unhappy with what they're doing day to day, day in day out?

Ali Temple
Yeah. So either identify specifically what's making them unhappy or unfulfilled, and decide if they can change that. If they've got the power to change it, change it, if you don't have the power to change it, accept it - but most of the time, we do have the power to change. Then get very clear and focused on exactly you want to be doing, whether that's in your life or in your business, then identify what your key skills, knowledge or experience is - so what your key skills, knowledge or experience is that you can then develop, that's going to move you forward. So say you want to start a new business consulting, and you've been some sort of analyst or you've been some sort of business person for 20 years or 10 years. And you think, Well, actually, I would like to do this on my own but I don't I don't know anything about running a business. Actually, that's not important. What you have is key skills and experience in that area. And if you focus on that, you can then build your business around those key skills, because that's what's important. So yeah, identify what's causing the pain or lack of fulfilment, either change it or accept it. But more importantly, identify specifically what it is you really want to do. And then what the key skills, knowledge or experience is that you have - and then start to build your new business, your new project around those things.

Jeremy Cline
Okay. And of your clients who've been through this process, what's sort of the most radical change that you've seen a client go through?

Ali Temple
Yeah, radical change. I wouldn't necessarily say it's radical, because I've seen it so frequently, but I've seen a lot of people that I've worked with in really high paying jobs, and very, very comfortable positions, you know, travel, holidays, cars, houses, that sort of thing. And deliberately give that up, because they want a higher level of autonomy, they want to be doing their own business and stuff. So I wouldn't say it's necessarily extreme, because we all do things that make us happy. And from the outside that can look like it's extreme. But yeah, I've seen quite consistently, people give up really good, high powered high paying jobs to go do their own thing that has loads of uncertainty, because they think it's going to make them happier. And if you do it right, it will make you happier.

Jeremy Cline
I was gonna say, has it made them happier?

Ali Temple
I think it yeah, it depends. You know, a lot of the time, I'll coach people for a certain period of time, and then they sort of say, Okay, I'm comfortable that I've got this under my own belt and they go off on their own. And I think sometimes it does make people happier. And I also have clients that come in, and they've got everything that they asked for, yet they're really, really stressed. And I always just look at them and I remind them and say, This is what you asked for. You asked for a really successful business, you asked to work on your own, you asked for a big property portfolio at the same time, you asked to take on all these projects - and you got it. So be careful what you ask for. And if you get what you asked for, then there's no need to be stressed by it. And then that kind of gets them to developing the skills to not be stressed in the first place. No, not everybody is made happier by the decisions. That's the reality of it and it would be silly, and foolish to expect everything we do is going to make us happy. So yeah.

Jeremy Cline
And that's got to be okay as well, hasn't it? Because really, the only way that you know whether or not something is going to make you happier is actually to get on and do it. And if it turns out that actually, you know, maybe it's not all you thought it was cracked up to be then, you know, that's okay, you learn, you move on.

Ali Temple
Yeah, and this comes back to what we were saying earlier about taking absolute ownership and responsibility for yourself - if you've kind of went and done something, and you've sort of got what you've asked for and it's not making you happy, it's not that that whole thing makes you unhappy. It's that there's something probably fairly small within that, that's just not meeting one of your needs. In which case you have a good conversation with yourself or a coach, and they help you figure out okay, what is it within this thing that's triggering you, stressing you, or making you unhappy? Or from another perspective - what do you need in this situation that would make you more happy? Oh actually, if I could just have five hours more a week to myself with the family to work on this then I'd be happy? Okay, great. So hire a virtual assistant. Okay, yeah, you know, for the sake of 10 pounds an hour on a virtual assistant to free up five hours of your time to spend with your family, or to help you focus on income-generating tasks that would let you be creative, that would make you happy, that's like a tiny, tiny little tweak that you can make quite effectively, it doesn't cost that much - yet it would make a massive difference to your happiness. It's just an example of how small changes actually create quite big results.

Jeremy Cline
And I suppose the other thing is that you've got to be honest with yourself about what will make you happy. So rather than, you know, to use an extreme example, thinking, I need to generate more time, so I can spend more time with family or whatever. And then you discover that actually spending time with your family drives you nuts. And you've got to be honest about what is actually going to make you happy.

Ali Temple
Yeah. And that's essentially what I do as a coach. A big part of what I'm doing is improving people's relationship with themselves. Because a business or a person's life is only as good as the person running it or as good as your relationship with yourself. And a big part of that is self awareness, like I've talked about, because what we're aware of we can control, what we're unaware of controls us. And the other part of that is just having an honest and fair dialogue with yourself, that's accurate to say, Actually, I need this and I'm going to make peace with that. Or actually, the reason that I'm stressed out or upset is because I'm beating myself up in my own head. If I just speak kindly to myself and learned from whatever it is, then the conversation completely changes. So getting the relationship with yourself right is super important.

Jeremy Cline
Fantastic. Ali this has all been absolutely fantastic, amazing tips. Have you got a resource or book or something like that, that either has helped you or that you particularly recommend for your clients that can help them just dive a little bit deeper into the sort of stuff that we've been talking about?

Ali Temple
Yeah, let me give you two books. One of them is if you're going to make any sort of changes in your life, if you want to be successful, especially as a new business owner, business, that sort of stuff, I'd recommend reading the 10 x Rule by Grant Cardone. The man is most certainly a maniac, but his philosophy is sound. And his principle is that you just set your goals and then you multiply them by 10. You then decide how much effort you want to put in, and then multiply that by 10, which is actually a really, really effective strategy. But he talks about it on a really deep philosophical level. And I absolutely loved it. There's another book, which I have actually co-written that is very, very shortly to be released so take a note of it and google it for the release date - It's called How to Win and Keep Clients. And that is specifically for entrepreneurs and solopreneurs that are starting out in their own business. There's seven different authors to the seven different strategies on how to basically build your business, win clients, keep them be successful in your own terms. And there's loads of different areas in there, I write about how to win the mind game, because as I talked about, a business is only as successful as the person running it, and there's loads of great stuff in there about you know, how to win the mind game, how to market yourself, how to build your strategy, how to overcome fear and doubt, motivation, all that sort of stuff. So if you're looking to start your own business, that's going to be a really, really handy little success handbook. So get your eyes on that.

Jeremy Cline
Fantastic. Well, we'll link to both of those in the show notes definitely. And where can people find out a bit more about you if they want to get in contact with you?

Ali Temple
So I am pretty proactive on the social media front. So if you go to Facebook and Instagram and go to Steadfast Coaching, that's Steadfast Coaching, I post tonnes of free videos and stuff like that about how to be happier how to get your mindset in a good place, how to be successful all that type of stuff. My name's Ali Temple, you can find me on LinkedIn. But yeah, there's loads of free content there. And you can also go to my website, which is www.steadfast-coaching.com. And there's more info about the services I do, price plans, all that sort of stuff. So I also do free consultations. So if anyone's listening to this and think, hmm, he's given me a little bit to think about, I'd like to know more just drop me an email at info@steadfast-coaching.com - that's infor@steadfast-coaching.com - and I will arrange a free consultation for you.

Jeremy Cline
Fantastic Ali. That's all unbelievable information. Thank you so much for being on the show.

Ali Temple
Thank you very much. I've thoroughly enjoyed that. Cheers. Thanks. Bye, bye. Bye.

Jeremy Cline
Okay, well, I hope you enjoyed that interview with Ali. I've got to say, in some ways, Ali can be kind of a bit intimidating. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's unbelievably nice. But he's just so focused, so driven, he's already achieved so much that, you know, I kind of have these conversations with him and then start feeling maybe a little bit inadequate. But then I'll remember, actually, I'm not trying to become him. And that's something I do need to keep reminding myself of, I'm not trying to become him, and him and people like him are there to help me. They here to help me, they're here to help you. I do have to say, though, that knowing I had a coaching call with him, did force me to up my game. So hopefully, you found what he had to say useful. As always, the links to the resources and to Ali's website and his social media will all be in the show notes, which for this episode, you'll find at changeworklife.com/5, that's number five, changeworklife.com/5 for episode five. And we've got plenty more to come to help you and to inspire you to make whatever changes you need to make your career a happy one. So subscribe to the show and that way you can make sure you don't miss any of it. Also, if any of the past shows have been helpful for you, it would be great if you could leave a review on Apple podcasts. Your reviews really do help other people to find the show. And if it's something that you found useful, then well hopefully other people will find it useful too and by leaving a review you'll help them find it. So thank you so much for joining me, and I look forward to seeing you again at next week's show. Cheers, bye.

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